PAIN AND GAIN Review: I Believe in Fitness

I am not a Michael Bay apologist. I am not sure that many people are. Sure, there may be someone that is in LOVE with Michael Bay, but keep in mind that there are people that are in LOVE with AQUAMARINE. It isn't a secret in the movie industry that Michael Bay movies aren't well-liked by critics. There are a few people that defend THE ROCK to death and even a group of people probably love the first TRANSFORMERS movie, though I doubt anybody can really defend the third film. I can kind of defend the second one, even though I am pretty sure I will lose. As I was saying, Michael Bay isn't the best director ever.

But like Michael Bay, everybody has their failures. Bay's films, though critics hate them, are loved by movie audiences who go to see explosions, i.e. teenaged boys. However, Michael Bay is still making movies. Why? He brings in the dough. You give him an A-list star who has the looks to sell a movie and he can set a backdrop with some great fucking lighting and a really cool explosion. And if you give him a Mack truck...

This isn't a "Michael Bay sucks" session though. If I wanted to do that, I could log onto his IMDb message board page or AICN and really express how bad the last TRANSFORMERS movie was. However, I am better than that, and since I know the challenges one must overcome to make a great movie, I can look over it. Some filmmakers have to make a few piece of crap films in order to make the one film that they really want to make. Hell, Kevin Smith had to make COP OUT to be able to secure funding for RED STATE.

I am almost positive that Michael Bay had to make those robot movies so he could make PAIN & GAIN.

PAIN & GAIN was made for in the mid $20-million, which is far less than anything that Michael Bay has ever made a film for. But Bay proves that you don't need a big budget for summer fun. PAIN & GAIN is such a fun movie to watch and I can't stress it enough. Everything this film has is full of magic. I really doubt you are going to see a movie like PAIN & GAIN again. This, along with SPRING BREAKERS, is quite possibly the biggest risk-taking movie that you will ever watch.

PAIN & GAIN is based on a true story. According to a few articles online, there are significant changes in the real story, like every film, that make the film more interesting than what really happened. However, don't let that turn you off. If you were going to see THAT movie, I'm sure it wouldn't have been half as fun as this.

The first hour of PAIN & GAIN goes by so fast. Literally, it don't seem like it is an hour at all. Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) is a fitness instructor at a gym in Miami. He has the perfect body and thinks really highly of himself. He just doesn't have the money and the luxury that the people he trains has. He devises a plan with Adrian Doorbal, (Anthony Mackie) a weight-lifter whose dick is broken due to steroid abuse, and Paul Doyle, (Dwayne Johnson) an ex-cocaine addict who overcome his substance abuse through the Gospel of the good Lord, to kidnap rich, Jewish man Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub) and steal his money and house and everything the man owns.

There is just one big problem - the three kidnappers are the dumbest three people ever.

But when things seem to be going swell, Victor is able to recognize who the kidnappers are due to Lugo's cologne. Once Victor is tortured (and when I say tortured, I mean tortured), he finally stops fighting and signs everything over to the guys. Victor, who gets forced-drunk by Doyle, believes he is getting on an airplane, but really he is being killed by the three idiots. Another problem arises however - he survives and lives to tell the tale.

Of course nobody believes a drunk baboon like Kershaw was, until he calls Private Detective Ed Dubois (Ed Harris) and tells him his story. Originally Ed shrugs it off, but the more Ed looked into it, maybe Kershaw wasn't lying. Everything that actually happened to Kershaw was so ridiculous that it was actually true. Ed goes out and gets proof on what these three idiots have been doing with their money. Lugo plays basketball with neighborhood children. Doorbal marries his penis doctor (Rebel Wilson). Doyle goes back to snorting coke.

This sounds completely ridiculous, but mind you, it is a universe that was skillfully created. Every single detail in this film has been crafted to seem more ridiculous than the next, but Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely have skillfully crafted a film that no matter how ridiculous it gets, it never seems unrealistic. I'll go as far as calling these guys masterful storytellers. The film is a little bit over two hours long, but not a single scene feels unnecessary. There are moments of character development that add to the actual film and make it better.

There is a reason why these guys are writing the scripts to the Phase Two AVENGERS films.

Anthony Mackie and Mark Wahlberg are given moments to shine. This is neither of their films. Mark Wahlberg is best when he is performing next to an actor who can keep up with him and Anthony Mackie is truly great whenever he is in the same shot as Rebel Wilson. Wilson, who I usually can't stand, is actually pretty damn funny in this movie. She has a great line at the end of the film that may be the funniest line in the film. Ed Harris seems to have had a great time filming this movie - he was a blast to watch delivering every single line. And Tony Shalhoub should be nominated for Best Supporting Actor just for the scene in which he wakes up in his hospital bed.

But this film don't belong to any of them. This film is ruled by Dwayne Johnson. Finally, he is able to throw his "Rock" persona away and play a character that really isn't badass. He plays Doyle as a likable character who is so pathetically serious that really brings out a sympathetic reaction from the audience. Yet his character drives everything we see. He don't need women, money, or cocaine. He wants to be accepted in the way he accepted Jesus Christ. His character's conflict is the definition of peer-pressure.

If the film is ruled by Dwayne Johnson, then it is dominated by Michael Bay. Remember how I said how ballsy this film is? In two hours, he makes three criminals completely likable and sympathetic human creatures. Yet, this movie draws Holocaust parallels all at the same time. The torture that is inflicted on the Jewish character that Shalhoub plays is a play on torture that took place at concentration camp. There is a scene in the film where Shalhoub is hung upside down like a piece of laundry and is sent around the room until he signs a piece of paper.

Michael Bay, however, is Jewish, and I doubt that he would ever make a film that is anti-Semetic. (SIDENOTE: Megan Fox called him Hitler, so if you trust Megan Fox, maybe he would.) But with all of the Christian-overtones (including a gay priest) and a homosexual toy-warehouse setting, I feel like maybe there are more questions to this film on what Michael Bay was aiming towards. But then again, Michael Bay is an "artist" (whether you like that term or not), and this is his art. It should only really matter to him. In an age where Emmett Till's family demands an apology from a low-life shitty rapper, we really shouldn't be worried about how ballsy Michael Bay's film is.

The film also has some of the best camerawork shown in any Michael Bay film. Cinematographer Ben Seresin goes from TRANSFORMERS shakey-cam to PAIN & GAIN steady-cam and I actually really approve of this work. My favorite shot in particular is a sequence that takes place in Mackie's characters home that show what's taking place in two different rooms.

Critics compare PAIN AND GAIN to FARGO. I will take FARGO and raise you to a more fun version of ALPHA DOG. Michael Bay don't deserve to be in the same class as the Coen Brothers. He still has a few more masterpieces to make until then. But to the people who write this film off because of the Michael Bay name should probably stop what they're doing and go see it. I'm not sure that they will have the same reaction as I will, but it is the best film Bay has made yet.

But if you don't like this film, Michael Bay is making TRANSFORMERS 4. He'll be back to Bay-form in no time.